Falling in Love with Our Self
This month we’re delving into svadhyaya (self-study), the fourth Niyama or observance in yoga’s ethical practices. A few weeks ago I had a foreshadowing of this profound teaching. I was in my usual Wednesday morning routine preparing to head out the door to teach my 9:00am yoga class. Just as I passed through the door I checked the time and my heart sank. For an unknown reason, I planned my departure so I would leave my house at the time I needed to arrive at the studio. Though they say that one of the Siddhas, or powers, of yoga is to be able to bilocate, I’m most definitely not there yet! I’ve been teaching this class at this time for 16 years and why I thought I could leave at the time I needed to arrive is a mystery to me. My first thought was “What was I thinking?!” Then the barrage of judgements started flowing. “How could I do this? What’s wrong with my brain? Why do I struggle so much with time?”… About halfway through my drive I took a deep breath and another message descended like a wave of peace: “You are perfectly imperfect.” At that moment, my whole body relaxed. I was soaking up this feeling of self-compassion as I rounded the head of Eagle Harbor and I read the quote on the reader board:
“I discover myself on the verge of a usual mistake.”
- Walt Whitman
I burst out laughing and reveled in the magic of this wonderful, crazy universe.
Svadhyaya is most often translated as ‘self-study’. Though this is a precise description, tuning into what ‘self’ we are studying is more complicated. The first part, sva, means “self”. The second part, dhyaya – derived from the root dhyai – means ‘to contemplate, recollect or to call to mind’. For most of us, when we hear the term self-study or self-awareness, we think this is referring to psychoanalysis. This usually brings to mind all the thoughts, feelings or habits we are trying to change or fix. Rather than focusing on all the shortcomings of our separate “self”, the ancient teaching of svadhyaya invites us to become aware of our “Self” with a capital “S”. This Self is pure consciousness; the source of all creation.
This distinction is often illuminated with the imagery of the ocean and its waves. The waves travelling on the surface of the ocean represent individual beings. They have location, shape, color and other attributes but the substance of each wave is the ocean itself. Waves and the substance from which they arise are one and the same and can never be separated. Svadhyaya teaches us that like the waves, individual awareness is never separate from pure consciousness. The practice of Svadhyaya invites us to connect to this infinite pure consciousness so we can remember that we are not separate. Though an essential part of our journey is understanding the ways our mind wants to convince us that we are merely separate waves, this is not the sole purpose of svadhyaya. This practice invites us to remember not just in our mind but in our entire being that we are this infinite consciousness.
Our culture is much more familiar with focusing on “self-improvement” than on practices that support our connection to the Self that we already are. Another translation of svadhyaya is “reciting or repeating to one’s self” and the practice invites us to repeatedly bring to mind our connection to pure consciousness. The most direct way to do this is through the recitation of mantra (mantra japa). The repetition of mantras opens our heart and anchors our mind into one thought so we can know the ‘Self’. Time and time again I experience and witness how this practice welcomes the peace and the felt experience of pure awareness, pure love.
Life gives us the opportunity to remember, forget and remember again that we are human and divine, wave and ocean, over and over again. Each time we come home to the pure love that we are, we have an invitation to fall in love with all of our perfectly imperfect selves.
Love,
Sue