Walking Each Other Home
What has been stirring for me in these last few days of May, and of our study of Svadhyaya or self-study, is our relationship between our separate “little s” self (or ego) and the “big S” Self that is the pure consciousness that encompasses all. These are not either-or-experiences. In fact, where we get into trouble is when we seek Self as a goal or achievement, or believe that once we have an “experience” with it we have transcended the suffering of our ego. Though there can be the felt sense of bliss, love and light when we connect to pure consciousness, this is only the tip of the iceberg in the endless ocean of awareness. This is not easy territory to try to write about and honestly it’s impossible to use words to express the totality of the Self. By design, our language is usually used to describe and discriminate, while on the other hand, pure consciousness is non-dual – beyond separation and what our ordinary language can hold. For me, the journey has been to learn to dance with both of these selves. Over time the Self that is pure awareness takes the lead and guides me towards deeper love and compassion in this dance called life.
There are many paths leading us towards our essence of pure consciousness. Over the years I’ve found my way through several, yoga being one of them. One of the many things I appreciate about the yogic path is the layered nature of the teachings and how it will meet us wherever we are. It’s no accident that last fall we started a 10-month process of exploring yoga’s ethical teachings, the Yamas and Niyamas. So far we have explored Ahimsa (non-harming), Satya (truthfullness), Asteya (nonstealing) Brahmacharya (non excess and sacred use of our energy), Aparigraha (nonpossessiveness), Saucha (purity), Santosha (contentment), Tapas (self-discipline) and Svadhyaya (self-study). Next month we will complete our study with Ishvara Pranidhana (surrender). There is a reason the eightfold path of yoga starts with these ethical teachings and ends with Samadhi or full union with Self, pure awareness. Along our spiritual journey we may have glimpses or even deep experiences of Samadhi. We must never forget, as long as we have a human body, life asks us to humbly learn from these ethical teachings.
Just before I started writing for this newsletter, I opened up the most recent post from my beloved teacher and friend Christina Donnell. As always, I was awestruck by her teaching and particularly by this quote:
Our essence exists powerfully and mightily in the stillness, deep inside where our being is enduring as a vein of gold—more constant than a star.
Initially this brought up such a beautiful image of gold in its natural state as a vibrant vein of light in stone. This captures the way our essence is timeless and illuminates our life. Then I had a flood of images of the mass destruction caused by gold mining. Twenty tons of rock and soil are displaced for a single ring, devastating habitat, forests, rivers and creating toxic waste from the chemicals used in the process. This visual reminded me of the damage created when people approach any spiritual path with the goal of attaining a state of enlightenment, bliss, pure consciousness… It’s no different than mining the gold out of the stone. Spiritually, gold symbolizes divinity, purity and enlightenment but what ripples are we creating when we must have that gold pendent to ensure our spiritual awakening?
The real gold that the spiritual path offers is the cultivation of the witness. This is our ability to honestly watch ourselves act and respond to our thoughts and emotions. This is the window into the belief systems that keep us trapped in separation consciousness. It allows us to watch our ego and begin to know that we are more than the matrix of our thoughts, memories and beliefs. This is where healing happens and where we begin to truly live love. When we ignore, deny or project our suffering onto others we become righteous and risk causing harm to ourselves and others. Being willing to witness with humility opens our hearts to revelation and compassion.
Spiritual community provides essential support and guidance as we find our way home to our essence. This journey isn’t a straight line and honestly I’m not sure there’s really a destination at all. But there is a path. More than 20 years ago I found myself rather unexpectedly on this path and knew deep in my bones that I needed others to walk alongside me. I am so grateful our Dayaalu community exists and that we have such rich teachings, amazing teachers and beautiful people to practice with. As Ram Dass said, “We’re all just walking each other home.” I’m so grateful to be walking with you!